There are lots of reasons to open social media, but none of them are very good.

• The most common is for no reason at all—after long enough, it’s become a reflex that fires whenever my hands are free. I’m still for a moment, and then I’m sitting on my bed, three videos deep and counting. 
• Sometimes, more intentionally, I’ll see if any of my friends sent me anything. Maybe they did, and I’ll watch a few seconds of their video before double tapping and scrolling some more. Maybe they didn’t, but I’ve already opened the app, so I might as well scroll anyway.
• If I’ve just posted a niche song on my notes, I’ll check constantly to see if any girls liked it. I tell myself maybe these micro-interactions could lead to something more—but I’ll never actually say anything to any of these girls, so I just take the little validation they give me and get to scrolling before I start feeling bad for myself. 

The first two really boil down to my idle hands—or mind, maybe—being my algorithm’s plaything, but that third one’s got something else going on. Likes are a whole different currency of gratification than scrolling. Such a fake form of attention—they take next to none, but even knowing that, a like still feels almost as good as a real compliment, when it comes from a girl you’ve never actually met. Why else would she bother to like my Bob Dylan song, if not because she thinks I have good taste? Maybe the online version of her digs the online version of me. Cute. Now I’ve become hooked on more than just mindless scrolling: mindless validation.

[originally written 3/26]